


throw stones at the sky

by aubadechild



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-18 13:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3570575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aubadechild/pseuds/aubadechild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Gon.”<br/>Killua’s voice shakes. He breathes in, out, steady. Gon blinks the starlight from his eyes, a smile dawning on his face when he looks at Killua.<br/>“Killua!” he exclaims.</p>
<p>Set during their month on Whale Island</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. happiest

Killua is up to his knees in mud.

            It had just been a simple miscalculation on Gon’s part. Any normal year would have seen this little creek stretching all the way up the wide bay at the south shore of Whale Island, but it hadn’t been a normal year. The sun had refused to give way to rain, and so the once wide creek had shrunk considerably, leaving flats of mud behind. The little canoe they had spent the week constructing lies overturned on the bank, wedged deep in the muck.

            “Are you angry, Killua?” Gon asks. His shorts are soaked; his boots a lost cause. He shucks them and leaves them to dry in the sun, picking himself up quickly to trail after Killua.

            The younger of the two boys makes his way through the tall grass growing by the side of the dead creek. His hands are caked with mud, and when he wipes white locks of hair from his eyes, he smears a trail of brown across his cheek and sticks out his tongue in disgust.

            “No,” he replies, squatting down to examine something just out of Gon’s sight.

            “I mean about the boat. You worked really hard on it, and now it’s stuck in the mud and we can’t get it out.”

            “I know what you meant, genius. And I said I’m not mad, so stop sulking around and look for something to dig it out with.

            Gon pouts but obeys, scouring the area for a sturdy stick or rock, anything strong enough to dig them out of this predicament.

            They had set off early that morning with lunches packed by Mito-san (who had taken great care to keep Killua’s meal free of red peppers). It was only supposed to be a three-hour round trip, maybe even faster with their combined strength. They would have had plenty of time to explore together, perhaps even go swimming in the ocean for a bit. Since it was their last weekend on Whale Island, Gon had wanted to make it something Killua would remember forever. And now he was certain Killua would remember this day forever, but probably not in the way he had intended.

            “Ugh, no luck. Maybe we should break for lunch,” Killua calls. Gon freezes. _Lunch_. He had neglected to mention to Killua that their lunches had been completely submerged when the canoe had flipped. He doubts there is anything at all salvageable at this point.

            Scratching the back of his head, Gon puts on a wide, toothy smile. “Good idea! You’re always so smart, Killua, you always know exactly what to say…”

            Killua wipes his hands on his shirt and stands up slowly, lips pursed.

            “What’d you do,” he says, deadpan.

            “Wha—nothing! Hey, Killua, don’t you think it would be better to make our own lunches? We could go fishing, or pick berries, or—“

            In a flash Killua appears in front of Gon. He has his fingers twisted in Gon’s shirt, and he shakes the boy violently.

            “You lost them, didn’t you! Don’t even try to lie to me. You suck at lying!” Even as he yells such angry words, the hint of a grin still pulls at Killua’s lips.

            “So what if I did!” Gon yells back. “There’s always another option! I’ll just catch some fish from the river! It’s fine!!”

            “Eh, whatever.” Killua releases his hold on Gon’s shirt, and Gon breathes a sigh of relief. “You go get food. I’ll go try the boat again.”

            Gon nods, and as he walks away he can feel Killua’s eyes on him, watching him go. He thinks he hears Killua whisper, “Idiot,” under his breath, but he says it with such fondness that Gon can’t help but whistle a little as he skips off to find food.

 

            By the time they both settle down to eat the meal of berries and cooked fish Gon managed to whip up on the fly, the sun is already high in the sky. Gon strips off his tanktop and places it by his boots to dry, urging Killua to do the same, but for some reason he refuses. As Gon rocks back and forth, humming like he doesn’t have a care in the world, Killua finds himself staring. He feels a pang in his chest, but he doesn’t know why. He thinks about how even in the face of setbacks Gon doesn’t falter, just keeps trudging through with fire in his eyes. He thinks about what Hanzo said, all those months ago at the Hunter Exam, about Gon harboring no ill will toward him, even after he all but tortured him, completely broke him down physically. All in all, he just thinks about Gon. Thinks about him a lot.

            Embarrassing. Killua brings himself back down to earth and tears into his portion of fish. Mercifully, Gon remembered to cut the head off this time. He really can be thoughtful, Killua muses fondly. Well. Sometimes.

            They enjoy their meal in near silence, only punctuated by the occasional birdcall and Gon’s incessant humming. When they finish, Gon goes over and shakes out his shirt and boots.

            “Hey, Killua?” he says. “Let’s keep going. There’s no point in spending our last weekend here just trying to get the boat out of the mud.”

            Killua snorts. “Says the one that put it there,” he teases. “Okay, okay. But how are we gonna get back before dinner?”

            Looking over his shoulder, a familiar fire blazes in Gon’s eyes. He winks and sticks his tongue out at Killua. “We won’t.”

            Killua throws his hands up, incredulous. “Where are you planning on sleeping? We don’t have sleeping bags or blankets! We don’t even have a change of clothes! What are you gonna tell Mito-san! She’s gonna chew us out!”

            Gon jams his index fingers together, avoiding Killua’s piercing stare. “I was thinking we could just, ah, sleep on the ground. I know how to make it pretty comfortable, with leaves and stuff. I’ve done it before sometimes.” He pauses, considering something. “Ah, but if we start walking now, we can make it back around midnight I bet. It’s a really roundabout way, but there’s a sort of trail that goes back to town from here, and then we’d havta walk back to my house from there.”

            Killua lets out a sigh. “Whatever. I’ve slept in worse places.” Besides, if it’s too uncomfortable he can just avoid sleep altogether. But there’s something so soothing about falling asleep to the rhythm of Gon’s quiet snores that Killua’s been sleeping like a baby almost every night since they came here a little less than a month ago.

            “Well, let’s get going!” Gon announces. Killua folds his arms.

            “I just said I was okay with sleeping out here, and now you’re saying you were planning on walking home all this time?”

            “No, no! We’re not going home tonight but we’re not sleeping _here!”_ Gon tells him, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Don’t worry! It’s still a lot quicker than walking home. Let’s go!”

 

            The boys hike over fallen trees and under low branches. The sun begins to fall from the sky slowly but surely as they make their way through the dense forest. After awhile the din of the ocean fades, and they’re left alone with the sounds of their breathing. Gon’s footsteps are quiet from his years spent hunting in these woods, but Killua’s are entirely silent. They sneak up on quite a few deer and other various wildlife, unnoticed.

            Hours pass. Gon sings a song. Killua cracks a few lighthearted jokes. They play some word games to pass the time. Finally, as Killua is at last becoming impatient, Gon announces, “Killua! We’re almost there!”

            Killua looks around, one eyebrow raised. “Almost where? Huh, Gon?”

            Gon sucks in a breath through his nostrils and closes his eyes. “Can’t you hear it?”

            To his chagrin, Killua can’t hear anything. It’s no surprise, considering Gon’s superhuman ears, but it bothers him nonetheless.

            “Nah, how do I know you’re not just making things up?” Killua jokes, earning a pout from Gon.

            “It’s not much farther! Let’s have a race!” Gon says, brightening up.

            “It’s not fair if you already know the way—Gon, are you listening?!”

            But Gon is already yards ahead, waving his arms and sticking his tongue out.

 

            The race lasts only fifteen minutes. The noise is faint at first. Killua hears it from over a mile away. Muscles pumping, he manages to catch up to Gon with ease.

            “I hear something now,” Killua says between breaths. Gon just nods, pushing himself to run faster. Soon the distant hiss turns into a deafening roar, and the two boys burst into a clearing at the same time, panting.

            The trees give way to a crystal clear lake hidden deep within the island. It glitters with the light of the sun, now low in the sky. In its depths rest thousands of rainbow-colored rocks that shimmer and shudder with the ripples in the water. But the focal point is the massive waterfall at the far end of the clearing. It pours from a hole in the cliffside opposite the two boys, and a rainbow resides permanently in its spray. And on a narrow piece of land jutting out into the center of the lake, an ancient tree grows. Its roots are gnarled and its branches are long. In the dim light they look almost like welcoming arms.

            “What do you think? I wanted to show you this all along, but I was waiting till the last few days so it would be extra special. So, do you like it, Killua? I’m the only one who knows about it!”

            Killua doesn’t mention that the island is small enough that someone else is bound to know about this place. Instead, he smiles and says, “It’s amazing, Gon. I really like it.”

            To Killua’s surprise, Gon’s already dark cheeks fill with a soft blush. “There’s not a lot of exciting stuff on Whale Island that Killua would like. My house isn’t big like Killua’s, and we don’t have a volcano. So I tried to think of the best thing we have here. Maybe I’m a little selfish, but I didn’t want anyone else to know about this place. But since it’s special to me, I thought…well, I thought it might be special to you too. So I’m glad you like it.”

            Killua opens his mouth, then closes it. There’s that feeling in his chest again, that sensation almost like panic, but duller, softer. He’s struck with the sudden urge to run over and pull his friend into an embrace, but he resists. Gon might think it was weird. No, even worse: Killua might never let go. He plops himself down by the water’s edge and Gon joins him, scooting close enough that their legs are almost touching.

            “That’s not even the best part.”

            Killua jumps. Gon’s lips are right next to his ear. He can feel Gon’s hot breath tickling his earlobe, and his first instinct is to punch his friend. His second is to pull him closer, but he does neither of those things. Instead, he exclaims, “Idiot! Why are you so close! Don’t you understand personal space!”

            Gon pulls back, embarrassed. “Sorry, sorry, I just wanted to tell you!” He extends his arm and points at the falls. “Watch!”

            The sky is a deep pinkish-orange now, and though they can’t see the sun itself from here, Killua feels certain they’re missing a fantastic sunset. As the minutes slip away the top of the cliff is bathed in a warm, red glow. Slowly, the light descends, until the gushing water erupts with red light. It’s as if the water itself is giving off light; like the very falls are on fire.

            “Isn’t it cool? Hey, Killua, are you listening?”

            Gon’s soft exclamations are all but drowned out by the rumble of the water. Killua stares on in awe, his mouth slightly agape. He is so taken with the sight that he doesn’t notice Gon’s fingers intertwining with his until it’s too late. For the third time that day Killua’s heart skips a beat. His chest feels tight, but not necessarily in a bad way.

            The fiery effect lasts only a few minutes before slowly fading away. As the darkness trickles in, the forest comes alive with sound around them. Neither Killua nor Gon dares to move for the longest time.

            And then, finally, Gon breaks the silence.

            “It’s okay, right?” he inquires.

            Killua turns to look at him. “Hmm?” he says. “What?”

            “It’s okay for me to hold your hand like this, right? We’re friends, right, Killua? So it’s okay.”

            “Oh, that. Whatever. I don’t really care.”

            Gon giggles. “You do, though! See! You’re all red!”

            Killua snatches his hand away and pivots on his hip so that he’s facing away from Gon. “I’m not!” he protests. “I’m just sunburned because some idiot doesn’t know how to steer a boat, and we got stuck out in the sun for hours and hours!”

            Behind Killua’s back, Gon’s brow furrows, but he decides to leave Killua alone. Gon yawns loudly and stretches his arms toward the air. He folds his tank top into a neat square and rests his head on it like a pillow.

            “I’m gonna try and sleep,” he tells Killua.

            At that, Killua turns around again. “Seriously? The sun _just_ set! We have to stay up and tell ghost stories or something!”

            Gon closes his eyes and grins defiantly. “I’m too tired,” he says in a sing-song voice.

            “Wha— Gon! Don’t you dare fall asleep! We only have a few nights left! I’m not gonna let you waste them sleeping!”

             Gon just flips over, sticking his fingers in his ears and humming. Fuming, Killua jams his hands into Gon’s armpits. Gon yelps and tries to defend himself, but try as he might he can’t squirm free of Killua’s grasp.

            Laughter rings out through the glade as Gon tries desperately to worm his way out of Killua’s wiggling fingers. But, as always, Killua is relentless in his tickling. He drags one hand down to Gon’s exposed stomach, causing the older boy to curl up into a ball, laughing so hard he can barely breathe.

            “Killua! Killua! Cut it out!” Gon gasps.

            Killua sticks out his tongue. “Not till you promise me you’ll stay awake!”

            “I promise! I promise! Let me go!”

            Reluctantly, Killua gives in and relinquishes his hold on Gon. Gon wraps his arms around himself and hisses protectively, still trying to catch his breath. A quiet calm descends.

            The wind shifts, dancing through the leaves. It’s properly dark now; the only light that of the small sliver of moon hanging by a thread in the sky. Both boys’ eyes are attuned to darkness, however, and Killua wonders if Gon has noticed how often Killua catches himself staring at his friend.

Eventually he strips off his tank top and folds it like Gon’s. He finds the ground here isn’t uncomfortable, and settles in quickly, facing Gon. Gon’s eyes are turned heavenward, marveling at the thousands of stars splattered across a canvas of sky.

            He looks almost otherwordly. Killua can’t bring himself to stop staring. There’s a question forming on his lips and he tries to swallow it down, but the more he tries to ignore it, the more that warm almost-panic feeling floods his lungs. He just wants to ask; knows there’s no harm in a question. What’s the worst that could happen, after all? They’re friends, Gon said so. It’s perfectly normal for friends to want to spend time together. To hold hands. To love each other. Killua doesn’t want to ruin it by feeling too deeply. By being more invested, somehow. He holds his breath.

            It almost feels like every moment on Whale Island has been leading up to this. No, even before that. Since he met Gon. Every glance, every smile, every touch. He should be content with that. His very best friend in the world. Something he loves to hear, but would never say. He should be content, without wanting more.

            But how he _should_ feel and how he _does_ feel are two very different things. Perhaps, he thinks to himself, he _should_ forget. Be content to be at his side. After all, how could he ask for more than that? After all Gon has done for him. After all Gon is to him. Killua can’t help the aching feeling that he would never be content just to stand at Gon’s side. He knows it might be selfish, wanting—no, needing to be the most important thing in Gon’s life. But it’s what he wants, more than anything.

            “Gon.”

            Killua’s voice shakes. He breathes in, out, steady. Gon blinks the starlight from his eyes, a smile dawning on his face when he looks at Killua.

            “Killua!” he exclaims.

            Killua’s fingers curl in and out of fists. That panicky feeling rises until he can hardly feel anything other than the raw tightness in his chest.

            “You said…” he starts, then stops. Gon reaches out and grabs hold of his hand again. He suddenly looks very serious. Killua’s eyes flutter shut. “You said friends can hold hands. That’s okay, right?”

            “Yep,” Gon says. He tightens his hold on Killua’s hand. “Definitely.”

            Killua’s mouth feels dry. “Are you, uh. Can friends kiss each other? B…because, I…”

            At that, Gon bites his lip and looks deep in thought. “I’m not sure,” he replies after a moment. He scratches the back of his neck. “Sorry, I’m not much help again.”

            Killua tilts his head to the side and gently knocks his fist against Gon’s forehead. “Yeah, you’re no help at all,” he sighs.

            Gon smooths his thumb over the back of Killua’s hand. “I do know one thing,” he announces.

            “Oh? Then you know one more thing than I thought you knew.”

            “Killua! I’m trying to be serious! I was going to say, if Killua wanted to kiss me, I wouldn’t mind too much. Because we’re friends, right? And I love being with you.”

            Killua freezes. The weird feeling in his chest begins to subside, if only a little bit. “Ah, well, I was talking more, ah, generally, that is—“

            “Oh! In that case, forget about it.” Gon laughs awkwardly and begins to slide his hand away from Killua, but instinctively Killua wraps his fingers around Gon’s wrist, trapping him. With his other hand he reaches up and grabs hold of the back of Gon’s neck.

            Gon’s chest rises and falls quickly. Killua wonders if Gon’s heart is beating as fast as his own is right now. He wants to check, wants to place the palm of his hand flat on Gon’s chest and feel his pulse, know that he’s here, and real, and alive. But for now he leans forward and presses their foreheads together. Gon’s small, freckled nose squishes against his.

            “I’ve never kissed anyone before, so…” Gon trails off. They’re so close that Gon’s breath tickles Killua’s cheeks, and he smiles.

            “It can’t be that hard.” Killua tries to make himself sound less nervous than he feels. “Just, uh, lean forward, and I’ll lean forward, and if we aim it right…”

            Gon snaps his fingers. “Like in the movies!” he proclaims loudly, and Killua moves his hand over Gon’s mouth to shush him.

            “You’re so loud, dummy. Don’t scream when your mouth is right next to me!”  

            “Mm! Mm!” Gon complains through Killua’s fingers. Killua lets out an exasperated sigh and removes his hand.

            “You keep getting distracted, Killua,” Gon laughs.

            “Idiot! Who do you think is doing the distracting!”

            “Why’s it always my fault!”

            “Because it is!”

            In response, Gon presses his lips together and sticks them out in an exaggerated fashion, and Killua looks at him, equal parts disgusted and amused.

“Geez, you’re pretty hopeless, Gon,” he says fondly. “If that’s how you look when you wanna kiss someone, nobody’s ever gonna wanna date you!”

“Hey, Killua, you’re the one who wanted to kiss me in the first place! What does that make you!”

“Whatever. You’re the one who keeps changing the subject. If you don’t really wanna, I’ll just go to bed.”

Gon laughs at that. “I was only doing that to make Killua feel more comfortable! You keep shaking.”

Killua looks down at his palm. Gon is right; he’s trembling ever so slightly. He makes a fist and releases it, frowning. He’s not in any danger, and there’s no threat, so why is his body reacting like this? It doesn’t make sense. It’s not like he’s afraid of Gon. Besides, even if he really was scared, he could just back out and tell Gon he’s going to sleep.

“Okay, okay,” he says finally. “Let’s make it quick, though.”

Gon nods seriously. This time it’s him who grabs hold of the back of Killua’s neck, stroking his fingers through his friend’s soft white hair. The sensation sends a shiver down Killua’s spine. Even though it’s been months since they first met, Gon’s gentleness still amazes him. Maybe it’s just because no one has ever touched him gently before, or maybe it’s just Gon. Probably a combination of the two. But he does know there’s a world of difference between the casual touches of Leorio, or Kurapika, or anyone else really, and those of his best friend.

Gon pulls him forward, squishing their noses together again. Both of them close their eyes and stay like that for awhile. Even caked in dried-on mud, Gon smells so warm and familiar. Killua read once that if you really love someone, they taste good, too. He wonders if that’s true for Gon.

When at last Gon tugs on Killua’s hair and pulls him close so that their lips are nearly touching, it feels so natural that Killua wonders what he was so scared of all this time. It’s Killua who finally closes the distance, placing his lips on Gon’s for a brief second before pulling away. Gon goes to bury his face in Killua’s neck, his face entirely flushed.

“It feels so weird,” he says.

Killua flinches. “Was it that bad?”

Gon shakes his head, still holding onto Killua tightly. “No! It’s just kind of scary, but exciting too. Being so close to someone.”

“Ah,” Killua replies. He absently runs his fingers through Gon’s hair.

Eventually Killua loses track of time. Even though the moon is barely a sliver tonight, everything is bathed in a silvery glow. He vaguely wonders if this is all just a weird dream, and he’ll wake up tomorrow and only remember fleeting images. But the sensation of Gon’s stomach expanding and contracting as he breathes in and out, and the way the calloused skin of his hands feels on Killua’s back…he couldn’t dream that up.

When he’s almost positive that Gon has fallen asleep, Killua gently lowers his friend to the ground, taking care to place his head on the makeshift pillow he’d made from his tank top. Though he wants to stay up and replay the day over and over again in his head, Killua can’t help but feel himself dozing off after awhile.

He’s half-conscious when he hears Gon turn over and whisper, “Killua, you awake?”

            “Mmm,” is Killua’s hazy reply. He tries to open his eyes, but he can’t fight the heaviness of sleep setting in. He’s not entirely sure whether Gon is awake, or just talking in his sleep like he sometimes does.

“Killua,” Gon says through a yawn, “when are you happiest?”

            “When I’m with you, dummy.”

            His answer comes immediately, without hesitation. Killua wants to be surprised at himself, but deep down he knows that’s always been the answer. He hardly even knew the meaning of the word ‘happy’ before he met Gon, but ever since then he’s rarely been anything _but_ happy.

            “Thought so.”

            Killua rolls his eyes at that, but smiles to himself. He makes a mental note to tease Gon about it later, whether or not his friend remembers this conversation in the morning. As soon as he’s sure Gon isn’t going to say anything else, Killua lets himself drift off to sleep.

 

            Gon is awake and raring to go at the break of dawn. Though far from clean, his tank top and boots are dry enough to wear again, so he puts them on and goes stomping about the clearing. As he’s perfectly capable of moving quietly, Killua knows he’s just trying to get him to wake up in the most passive aggressive way possible, and eventually he submits and pulls himself up into a sitting position.

            “Gon, you can stop that now. I’m awake. You win.” Killua stretches his arms to the sky and breathes in the cool morning air.

            “Sorry, sorry! I was getting bored being the only one awake.”

            “Why not wake me up like a normal person, then? Huh?”

            “I tried! Three times! You punched me!”

            Killua yawns. “Liar. If you’d tried to wake me up before, I would have woken up.”

            Gon looks sheepish. “Anyway,” he says, trying to change the subject. “We have to get up this early, if we wanna be home by lunchtime.”

            “Lunchtime? According to what you said yesterday, even if we left now, we won’t get back till at least this afternoon.”

            “Maybe not, but I know a shortcut!”  
            “A short— Gon, are you telling me we _could_ have walked back last night? Slept in an actual bed? Had an actual dinner?” Even as he says it, Killua knows that he’s glad Gon waited until now to reveal this. If he’d talked about the shortcut yesterday afternoon, Killua would have pushed for them to go back to Mito-san’s house, and he never would have gotten to see Gon’s secret place. He never would have gotten to kiss Gon…

            A wave of nervousness washes over him. He watches Gon, who walks around humming and kicking a stone on the ground, and wonders if anything has changed between them. Has he ruined anything? Has the world they share together been turned on its head? No, he has to stop overreacting. Nothing has changed. They’re still just friends, best friends; nothing has to change for something as simple as a kiss.

            Gon looks over at him then and grins. “If I’d told you about the shortcut yesterday you wouldn’t have wanted to come here, and all my plans would have been ruined!”

            “Plans…what are you saying?”

            But Gon just grins even wider and motions for Killua to follow him back into the woods.

 

            It doesn’t take long for Killua to realize that they’re walking the exact same path they were on yesterday. Gon walks a few paces ahead of him, a happy skip in his step. He whistles some tune that’s familiar, but Killua can’t quite place it. Briefly he thinks about asking about last night, just to make absolutely certain that they’re still on the same terms. But on the off chance that Gon has already forgotten (he was pretty tired, after all), he doesn’t want to jog his memory.

            The way back is mostly downhill and their progress is far faster than yesterday. Killua casually mentions that they’re headed back in the direction of the boat, and Gon just nods in agreement, offering no clues as to _why._

            Before he knows it they’re back where they started yesterday afternoon, on the mud flats facing the wide, open ocean. Gon stands with his hands on his hips, surveying the area. The boat, obviously, hasn’t gone anywhere; if anything, it has sunk deeper than the day before. Killua walks over to place his hand on Gon’s shoulder.

            “Okay, genius, what’s your big plan here? There’s no way we’re getting that thing out, and the only way back to Mito-san’s from here is on the boat, or back the way we came and through the town.”

            Gon gives him a thumbs-up. “Right! So I’ll go get the boat, and let’s get going! We’ll be paddling against the current this time so we better get started right away!”

            Killua rubs the back of his hand across his forehead. “Gon, I spent hours trying to get that thing out. It’s not going anywhere.” He speaks patiently, as if explaining something to a small child.

            But Gon just bites down on his lip, trying not to laugh. He can’t hold it for long, though, and bursts out giggling so violently that he falls to the muddy ground.

            “I can’t believe it! I tricked Killua! I actually did it!” he yells. Killua turns red with fury.

            “The hell are you talking about, dummy! Get up! Explain this to me!”

            Sliding down the slope to where the boat is wedged, Gon plunges his arm under the water and wraps something around his fingers. He pulls it out, revealing a sturdy rope.

            “I tied the boat to a huge rock stuck under the mud! You wouldn’t notice unless you looked underneath, but you never did!”

            Beaming triumphantly, Gon reaches down and flips the boat over with one arm. He holds it over his head, letting the water drain, then shoves it back into the water, upright.

            “You thought you just had to dig the boat out, but you would have had to dig that rock out too! See, I outsmarted you!”

            Killua dashes over to Gon and shoves him to the ground. “Who the hell does that? Why would you go to all that trouble just to keep the damn boat in the mud!”

            Gon tries to wipe the mud from his face, but his hands are so covered in it that he ends up making it worse. He looks up at Killua, a sheepish grin on his face. “Maybe it’s selfish, but I wanted you all to myself for awhile! Three hours wouldn’t have been enough for me.”

            Killua’s expression softens. “You really are hopeless!” he tells Gon. “If that was it, why didn’t you just tell me from the start? You didn’t have to go to all that trouble.”

            “You would have made a fuss about getting home before bed, ‘cause Killua likes his mattress more than he likes me!”

            “That is not fair, and not true!” Killua sinks to his knees and flicks his index finger against Gon’s forehead. “Next time, just tell me the truth! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with someone.”

            “Next time?” Gon asks hopefully.

            Killua snorts. “Don’t get your hopes up, though! We still have to deal with Mito-san…”

            Gon gulps. “You know, I don’t think it would hurt to spend another night—“

            As much as he would like another night with Gon all to himself, Killua yanks his friend up and nudges him toward the boat. “Nuh-uh. I’m sleeping in my own bed tonight, even if I have to go home by myself!”

            The boys tumble into the canoe together. Killua situates himself behind Gon and grabs hold of one of the makeshift paddles they had created.

           

            As Gon had mentioned before, the current fights them the whole way down. It’s slow going, but they pass the time laughing and joking. When the sun reaches its apex the conversation lulls. Everything feels exactly the same as it did yesterday, Killua thinks, and he isn’t sure what to make of it. On the one hand, he is thankful for the fact that nothing is weird or awkward after last night. But on the other, he wonders if it’s simply because Gon has forgotten. Even worse, if Gon doesn’t think of it in the same way Killua does. Sure, Gon seemed eager last night, but Killua begins to wonder if it wasn’t just to sate his own curiosity. He tries to shake the doubt from his mind.

            For now, just the sound of Gon’s voice is enough. He’s content to sit behind him on this little boat they crafted together with their own hands, staring at the sun beating down on Gon’s back. They’ll go home, apologize to Mito-san, eat lunch out in the sunshine, and fall asleep late in the night like they always have. It’s frightening, not being absolutely sure of where they stand, but it’s nothing Killua can’t deal with. No matter how Gon feels, even if his feelings change, Killua will always protect Gon. He promises himself that, here and now. He’ll always be there, at Gon’s side.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should be up soon. This fic really got away from me in terms of length, lol.


	2. love

 

On their first night at Whale Island, Killua had dragged his exhausted body into Gon’s bed and fallen asleep there. Wrapped up in the sheets that still smelled of Gon (the smell of soil after rain, of sunlight seeping through clothes drying on the clothesline), nothing could touch him. Nestled under the duvet Killua could simply exist, and that was enough. There was nothing to prove to anyone, no family bearing down on him, nothing expected of him. He had fallen in love with the sweet taste of the ocean air whispering through the cracks in the windowsill, with the noises of the house sighing and settling as the warmth of the day turned cool. Shocked awake by a nightmare in the dead of the night, the sound of Gon’s soft snores had lulled him to sleep again.

The weeks passed, and falling in love had become part of his daily routine. The tickle of blades of grass rubbing between his toes as he and Gon raced across the fields surrounding his house. The smell of smoke that clung to his clothes long after their campfires had died down to embers. The lightness that filled his chest whenever he looked at Gon, like a surge of the combination of anxiety and exhilartion that comes from holding a secret.

But now, standing on the doorstep of a small house overlooking the sea, hair matted down with sweat and covered head to toe in dirt, Killua feels his chest contract at the sensation of Gon’s hand on his shoulder. Though he is no stranger to the feeling of Gon’s brown, calloused skin against his, since last night, try as he might, Killua hasn’t been able to hold back the cold waves of fear he feels whenever his body is too close to Gon’s. Every brush of skin feels like an overstepped boundary; every held gaze, a taboo. Killua lets out a shaky breath and curls his fingers into fists.

“You gonna knock, or should I?” he asks Gon.

Gon fidgets, pulling on the edge of his mud-spattered shirt. “I was gonna do it,” he says.

“Then hurry up and do it. Let’s just get it over with.”

Gon does. He punches a tentative fist against the wooden door, and it flies open immediately to reveal an indignant Mito-san.

The ensuing lecture lasts for a solid hour. Slumped in his chair at the kitchen table, Gon bears the brunt of it, his eyes wide and watery. Killua stares blankly at the wall, arms behind his head. A verbal lashing is nothing he can’t handle. He tunes out the sound of Mito-san’s voice with ease, but it’s harder to keep his thoughts away from anything related to the night before as Gon babbles on, explaining what happened. Gon offers apology after apology, agreeing that, yes, Mito-san, it was his fault, he should have been more careful, they should have walked home that night, no, of course he won’t worry her like that again. After softly batting them both on the heads, Mito-san sends the boys off to bathe and change their clothes while she prepares lunch.

Trotting up the stairs after Gon, Killua whispers, “She does know you’re a Hunter now, right? You’re a Pro Hunter, and I might as well be one too. She shouldn’t be so worried about it. It was only one night.”

Gon looks over his shoulder to reply. “Maybe, but it still was no good of me to tell her we would be back by nighttime and then never show up.”

“Hey, Gon, when you made up that ‘plan’ of yours, didn’t you know that was going to happen? You had to have known she would get worried, right?”

Hopping up the last few steps, Gon pauses on the landing. He taps a finger against his chin in thought. “Well, yeah,” he says. “But I was being a little selfish when I came up with it. But it all ended up okay in the end, and I got to spend more time with Killua, so it’s no big deal anymore, right?”

Killua gives a noncommital shrug and slips past him and down the hall to their shared room. By now his body has memorized how many steps it takes to get from the top of the stairs to the threshold of Gon’s room (ten, by his usual stride). He listens for the familiar creak of the loose floorboard near Gon’s door, feels it settle beneath his weight as he walks by.

The door to Gon’s room is already open a crack. Killua nudges it, but it doesn’t get very far before hitting the pile of laundry that has been building for the past month.

“We should probably do something about that before we leave,” Killua says to Gon. He pushes the door all the way open and plops down on the floor, shaking the dust from his hair.

“We’re so dirty,” Gon comments, holding up two hands covered in dried mud. A slight blush threatens Killua’s cheeks.

“So?” he says, looking away. “Go take a bath, then.”

There is a strange pause before Gon quietly says, “Okay.” He picks out fresh clothes at random and turns to walk back downstairs, letting the door swing shut behind him.

 

Gon is still uncharacteristically somber when he returns from his bath. He enters the room without a sound, walking over to collapse into his unmade bed.

“I left the water warm for you, Killua,” Gon states. “The way you like it.”

“Thanks,” Killua replies, but the word feels hollow for some reason.

All Killua feels now when he looks at Gon is the sudden sensation of his stomach dropping and a heaviness in his chest so painful he fears it might rip through the core of his being. He washes up and tumbles into the kitchen for lunch, but when Gon flashes a hesitant smile in his direction, he can hardly meet his eyes. Their hands brush against each other when they reach for the same plate, and Killua jerks back so suddenly that Gon almost laughs at him. But he goes silent when he sees Killua staring at him, wide-eyed. With big, wet eyes Gon turns away and goes back to the table to slouch down in his seat, arms crossed.

Killua’s entire body only feels heavier after that. Even Mito-san senses the sudden shift in atmosphere. She brings it up as tactifully as possible, asking if they had quarreled. Gon, trying to smile away the wetness forming in the corners of his eyes, just laughs it off and explains, “Killua and I are just tired from the walk home. That’s all.” She lets it drop after that, but her brow remains furrowed for the rest of the meal.

When they finish, the two boys excuse themselves. Gon moves to go back upstairs, but Killua heads for the front door. Standing in the sunshine, he breathes a sigh of relief. The fresh air fills his lungs and clears his head. He places a hand over his chest to feel his heart pounding inside.

Gon must be so confused. Even Killua himself is confused. Wasn’t it just this morning that he was reassuring himself that nothing had changed since last night? That they were still the same Gon and Killua, Killua and Gon, just friends who hold hands sometimes and maybe kissed on the lips once? He shakes his head, trying to will away the great knot of anxiety twisting in his stomach.

He’s so absorbed in his own thoughts that he doesn’t notice Gon’s hand on his shoulder until it’s too late. Killua whips his head around, confusion turning to fear in an instant. He moves to step away, but Gon’s grip is firm.

“Killua, why are you acting so weird?” Gon asks, and Killua pretends to ignore the crack in Gon’s voice. He also pretends to ignore the unwanted heat rapidly rising to fill his cheeks, and the way Gon’s fingers feel soft and warm against his bare shoulder.

“I don’t…know?” Killua replies, and it’s not exactly a lie. He presses the back of his hand to his forehead as a throbbing sensation begins to grow in his throat. A thousand different thoughts race through his head. Maybe it’s because he’s never had a friend before, so he doesn’t always know how to act around one. Maybe it’s because a not-so-deep part of him truly believes in the words of his brother that echo in the back of his mind every night when he’s on the edge of sleep, telling him he isn’t qualified to have friends. Maybe it’s because he went right ahead and developed _feelings_ for said friend, feelings beyond casual friendship, the depth of which is beyond anything and everything he had ever dreamed of experiencing in his entire lifetime, and—

“Killua, are you feeling okay? You look like you’re gonna cry.”

Killua blinks, shaken from his emotional reverie.

“I’m _fine_ , Gon,” Killua says, pushing his friend’s comforting hand away and dragging his own arm across his face.

Unconvinced, Gon leans in close, his nose almost brushing against Killua’s cheek. He rests his chin on Killua’s shoulder.

“Then…do you wanna go somewhere and play?” he asks. Killua’s heart jumps.

“What do you mean? Where?”

Gon shrugs. “Anywhere! Ah, I have an old kite that Mito-san used to let me fly when I was little…” He trails off, looking toward the sea. The ocean breeze runs salty fingers through the boys’ hair, leaving it tousled.

Killua crosses and uncrosses his arms. No matter what he does, it feels wrong somehow. He gives up on trying to feel comfortable with Gon in such close proximity and resorts to scratching at the dry skin on his nose.

“Okay,” he concedes. “I get to fly it first.”

“Fine…” Gon huffs. He darts off, returning moments later with a tangled mess of color and cord that Killua would hesitate to call a kite.

           

            Twenty minutes and a pair of scissors later, the kite is airborne. Killua’s feet are planted firmly in the sand, his toned arms moving back and forth with the wind. Gon crouches close to a nearby rock, bullying a crab. For a long time neither of them says anything, content to just enjoy the sunshine and let the tension from earlier dissipate.

When Gon decides he’s bothered the poor crustacean enough, he shuffles over to where Killua is standing and lifts a hand to shield his eyes. Though the colors have faded over time, his childhood kite retains most of its former glory. Gon watches as a determined smile crosses Killua’s face, his teeth digging into his lip in concentration.

“You’re good at this, Killua,” Gon notes.

“I am, aren’t I?”

As he speaks, a large gust of wind hits the shore. The kite shudders. Killua wraps the string around his palm, trying to reign it in, but the kite still threatens to break free.

“You should bring it down now,” Gon says. Killua offers a grunt in response. He pulls back on the cord and the kite protests. It makes a flapping sound and spins in a tight circle, straining against Killua’s hold.

“Just a little longer. I think I can do it—“

Gon frowns and yanks on the cord himself. The kite plummets, crashing headfirst into the sand, and Killua stares at him open-mouthed.

“What’d you do that for?” he asks. “I coulda kept it going!”

“You were gonna lose my kite!”

“Was not.”

“Was too!”

“Was not!”

Gon inches closer. He sticks out his tongue, wipes his thumb across it, and places the wet finger on the point of Killua’s nose. “Was too!” he yells, jumping out of the way before Killua can grab hold of him and wrestle him down. But his ankle catches the string of the downed kite and he yelps, tumbling backwards into the sand. Killua flops down too, the cord still wrapped tightly around his fingers. He looks disgusted as he reaches up and wipes Gon’s spit off of his face.

“What was that for?” he hisses, trying to bite back a smile.

Gon leans back on his elbows and kicks sand in Killua’s direction. “I was checking to see if Killua was Killua again!” he explains.

Killua grabs a handful of sand and lets it sift through his fingers.

“I think so,” he says. He swallows. “Gon—“

“I know.”

Killua recoils, face flushing pink for the thousandth time that weekend. He looks at the sea, at the clouds, at the crashed kite; anywhere but Gon. With all the courage he can muster, Killua asks, “H—How long have you known?”

Gon whistles. “I figured it out, after I told you that I crashed the boat on purpose. Last night was fun,”—he lets loose a dramatic sigh—“but this morning I figured it out…that you were starting to get tired of always being around me, Killua. So all of today, when you didn’t want to take a bath with me, and when you would barely look at me, I knew I was right. It’s okay though! I know we can still be friends, even if you get tired of me sometimes.”

Killua chokes on air. He fights back the urge to laugh at the absurdity of Gon’s conclusion.

“What? You’re completely off base, Gon! That’s not it at all.” He almost lets slip the fact that he could never tire of Gon’s company, never in a million years, that there’s nothing Gon could ever do or say that would drive Killua away, he’s sure of it. But he restrains himself.

Gon scoops up a handful of sand and places it on Killua’s thigh. “Ah, so I was wrong,” he says.

Killua nods. “Completely.” It’s difficult, but he supresses the sudden urge to kiss him again to show him just how wrong he is.

“Killua, I remember kissing you,” Gon blurts out. Killua jumps, eyes shooting upwards to catch Gon clamping a hand over his mouth and half laughing, half coughing. “I’m sorry. That just came out. I don’t know if you remember ‘cause it was late and dark and didn’t last very long, but I remember. Is that weird?”

“It’s not weird,” Killua says slowly. The warm panic that rushes into his lungs feels so familiar now. Clearing his throat, he tries to change the subject. “Let’s get the kite and go back inside.”

“Yeah, I think Mito-san wanted us to do some things around the house before we leave tomorrow!” Gon replies. “We can talk more tonight.”

Before Killua can protest to that, Gon is pulling him by the wrist and dragging him back up the hill toward his house.

 

As it turns out, “things” means hauling the massive load of laundry out of Gon’s room to be washed, changing the sheets on their beds, sweeping the upstairs hallway, and helping Mito-san bake a giant chocolate cake to be eaten after their last meal on Whale Island tonight. Killua slacks off on the first three chores, yawning and letting Gon do most of the work. When they finish cleaning the house, the boys tumble downstairs to announce that they’re ready to cook.

“I’ve never made a cake before,” Killua confesses, flipping through a cookbook on the kitchen counter.

“Huh? Really? It’s not that hard. I’ll teach you!” Gon says. He pours a cup of water and a cup of flour into a bowl and begins to mix them together. Leaning over Killua’s shoulder to check the recipe, he begins to add more ingredients, humming all the while.

From her seat behind them, Mito-san laughs. She says, “Gon, you’ve always been so good at making meals and doing chores. Whoever you end up with will be one lucky girl!”

Killua’s jaw clenches, teeth grinding against each other. He snatches the bowl away from Gon and begins to stir violently, turning away to hide his reddening face. Gon looks down at his now empty hands, alarmed. He glances over at Mito and chirps, “Ah, is that so? I always thought the only girl for me was you, Mito-san!”

“You’ve always been such a charmer. You’ll have no trouble at all, I’m sure of it,” Mito-san replies. She stands up, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “I’ll leave you two to it now. If you have any trouble, I’ll be outside.”

Gon nods, and then they’re alone.

“Killua, if you wanted to stir so badly you could just ask. I would have let you. You didn’t need to grab it from me—“

Killua whirls around. He cracks an egg in his bare hand, letting the yolk drip down into the batter.

“No, I’m fine,” Killua says blankly.

Gon raises an eyebrow. “That’s not even what I asked!”

Killua blinks. “Huh? Oh, sorry. I got distracted. Can you pass me the chocolate?”

“No.”

“Wh—why not?”

Gon grins sheepishly as he scratches the back of his neck. “Because you’ll eat it all before we can finish baking!”

Killua doesn’t argue with that. He perches on the countertop and lets Gon take care of the rest of the baking. Gon pours the batter into a tray and Killua nonchalantly reaches over to stick his fingers in it when Gon isn’t looking. He manages to scoop a tiny bit of chocolate batter into his mouth before Gon whips around and smacks his hands away.

“Killua!” Gon complains.

“I couldn’t help it! It was right there!” Killua protests. Gon digs a mitt out of a nearby drawer and shoves the cake pan into the oven, slamming the door behind him.

“Let me see your other hand!” he says, holding his arm out expectantly. Killua frowns but obeys. He holds up a hand dripping with batter and sticks a chocolate-covered thumb in his mouth.

“Happy?” Killua says.

“If you give me some, I won’t tell Mito-san you stuck your hands in the cake,” Gon replies cheerfully.

“Oh yeah? How am I supposed to do that, genius?”

Gon opens his mouth. “Just give me some!” he says, pointing to his tongue.

Killua recoils. “That’s disgusting, Gon!”

“You can’t call my mouth disgusting after you kissed it!” Gon whines loudly. Killua slams his hand against Gon’s mouth, smearing chocolate over his face.

“Shut up!” Killua roars. “Stop bringing that up; it’s so embarrassing!”

Gon pushes Killua away and wipes the chocolate from his mouth. “Why’d you do it, then?” he asks.

“Because you wanted to!”

“You brought it up! I just said I wouldn’t mind! You didn’t have to actually do it.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“Yeah!”

“Shut up! You’re an idiot!”

“I know I’m an idiot!”

“Then shut up!”

Gon turns his back on Killua and crosses his arms. Killua wipes his hand on his shorts and sticks his tongue out at Gon’s back. They stay like that for awhile, neither willing to look at the other. Finally, Gon lets out a sigh and says, “At least you’re acting normal again now, Killua.”

Killua tugs on a strand of his hair, twirling it around his finger. “Whatever,” he says. “I’m bored. Let’s go do something while we wait for the cake to finish baking.”

Gon snaps his fingers. “Let’s play a game!” he shouts.

Killua slides off of the countertop, shuddering as his bare feet hit the cold tile floor. “Oh yeah? What kinda game?”

“The loser has to do anything the winner says, for the rest of the day!”

Killua’s heart skips a beat.

“I guess, but…what kind of game?” he asks again.

Gon wrinkles his nose. He tilts his head to the side, tapping his foot.

“I have no idea,” he confesses. “How about rock-paper-scissors?”

“No way! That’s way too fast, and you always end up winning somehow, so it’s no fair either!”

Gon pouts. “But I want to win!”

“So do I!” Killua retorts. “Okay, I have a better idea. Let’s do a tournament. We’ll pick three games, and whoever wins two out of the three will be the winner.”

“Sounds good to me!”

Gon motions for Killua to follow him upstairs, and the two boys race into the room at the far end of the hall.

After a few minutes of deliberation they decide that their tournament will consist of a two-player racing game Killua had bought for the JoyStation awhile ago, a dusty old checkers board Gon digs out of the closet, and, finally, at Gon’s request, rock-paper-scissors.

Despite his lack of experience, Gon catches on to the controls of the racing game with incredible speed. After a heated practice match they move on to the real game. Killua navigates the menus with ease to build a custom-made vehicle of his liking, while Gon fumbles his way through and ends up with a generic default car. On the first lap, Killua takes full advantage of the secret shortcuts, zooming his way through obstacles and crossing the finish line in record time. But by the second lap, Gon catches up, causing Killua to spin out of control and crash. Gon clears the third lap in no time at all and Killua throws his controller down in disgust.

“There’s no way you could have won! You must have cheated somehow!” he protests, reaching over to pinch Gon’s cheek.

“Ow, Killua, that hurts! I didn’t cheat, I swear! We can even play again if you want!”

Killua shakes his head. “Whatever. Rules are rules,” he says.

Shaken by his loss, Killua focuses all his attention on winning the next game. And so he does. In the blink of an eye Gon finds himself gawking at an empty checkers board, bewildered.

“Are you sure that last move was legal—“

“Huh? Of course it was! What are you implying, Gon!”

Gon smacks his lips together. “Anyway, it’s fine. You win. Now, let’s finish this!”

He stands up, holds out his fist, and grins. Killua can barely hold back the smile forming on his own face at the look of determination in Gon’s eyes. A part of him wants to lose just to see what Gon will ask of him, but it’s mostly drowned out by the part of him aching to win.

“First comes rock!” Gon shouts.

“Rock…”

“Paper…”

Killua yells, “Scissors!” at the very instant that Gon triumphantly announces, “ROCK!”

They both stare at each other for a moment. Then Gon bursts out laughing and Killua falls to his knees, dragging his hands through his hair.

“How do you do it every single time!” Killua whines.

Gon bends over to pat Killua’s head. “It’s a secret!” he whispers.

Killua flops backwards, head hitting the floor. “Ugh. Fine. You win. Now what’re you gonna force me to do?”

Gon’s eyes go wide. “I hadn’t really thought about that,” he admits. “Ah, first off, you can go check on the cake for me!”

Killua reluctantly drags himself up off the floor, out of the room, and down the stairs. He hears Gon’s soft footsteps padding after him, and the two find themselves in the kitchen again, breathing in the warm smell of baking chocolate.

“I realized after I said that, you probably don’t know what to check for,” Gon says. He tosses the oven mitt to Killua, who examines it with a furrowed brow before slipping his hand inside. Killua opens the oven door. Immediately the smell overwhelms him. His eyes flutter shut and he sucks in a deep breath through his nose.

Gon hands him a knife and instructs him to stick it in the cake. “If it’s ready, the knife will be clean when it comes out,” Gon informs him.

Killua stabs the cake, but the knife comes out still covered in batter. He licks it off, ignoring the heat as it burns his tongue.

“Let’s leave it in,” Killua says, removing the oven mitt and kicking the oven shut. “So, what’s next?”

Gon smiles, his hands firmly planted on his hips. “Carry me outside and give me a massage!” he says.

“Hey, that’s going too far! You’re too needy!”

“Nuh-uh!” Gon objects. “You agreed! If Killua had won, I would have done anything he asked me to do, so you gotta do the same for me!”

Without another word, Killua barrels toward Gon and scoops him up onto his back with ease. He spins around a few times, trying to make Gon dizzy, but Gon just laughs and tells him to hurry up.

 

The rest of the afternoon passes in a hazy blur of laughter. Gon exercises his power to the fullest, making Killua wait on him hand and foot. Killua rolls his eyes but always indulges him. A part of him enjoys being at Gon’s beck and call, unable to deny him any request. The glee that shimmers in Gon’s eyes every time Killua carries out one of his tasks makes Killua’s heart swell. He pushes the discomfort and hesitation from earlier out of his mind, focusing only on Gon’s happiness.

Eventually Mito-san calls them in for dinner, scolding them for leaving the cake in the oven unattended. They enjoy a warm meal, Gon swinging his leg so that it bumps into Killua’s shin occasionally. At the head of the table, Mito-san stares into her soup.

“You’re really leaving tomorrow,” she says with a sigh. Gon looks up from his rice, his legs going still.

“I’ll be back soon! Maybe I’ll bring Kurapika and Leorio next time, too!”

Mito-san laughs. “The more, the merrier,” she tells him. “Well, I won’t keep you boys for too long tonight. Don’t worry about the dishes. I’ll take care of them. You can bring some cake upstairs, but be careful not to get crumbs all over the floor.”

“Thanks!” Gon says. He hops over to the counter and cuts out two pieces of cake. Killua lingers by the table.

“Thanks, Mito-san,” Killua mutters. Before Mito-san can open her mouth to reply, Killua dashes up the stairs, Gon following close behind.

 

Seated on the now clean floor of Gon’s room, the two boys quickly gobble up their shares of cake. Darkness has just begun to creep in, smoothing the sharp edges of daylight. Even with his highly trained eyes, Killua’s world goes soft as the light disappears. He listens to the sound of Gon breathing next to him. The warmth of his presence feels soothing.

Killua tries to break the silence a few times, but the words always get caught on his tongue. It feels as though there is something caged in the space between his ribs. He traces a finger in circles across the floor. Tomorrow they’ll leave this little world and return to a place where fear is the norm and time passes in the blink of an eye. There will be no time for games, no afternoons to waste bathing in the sun. This might be their last chance in a long time to really sit and talk, to just exist in each other’s company without the burden of responsibility or life-and-death matters looming like storms overhead.

Beside Killua, Gon keeps moving around. He positions himself so that he’s lying on his stomach, head propped up on his hands and staring at Killua.

“Hey,” he whispers. “Killua, you have to answer this question without lying, okay?”

“That’s a weird request, but okay,” Killua responds. He shifts so that he’s sitting with his legs crossed, facing Gon. “What is it?”

“What makes Killua happiest?”

Killua’s stomach ties itself in a knot. At the very least, this means that Gon doesn’t remember his brief sleep-talking conversation the night before. He opens his mouth, then closes it. Things like that are easy to confess on the cusp of sleep, words half lost in the cadence of a yawn, but to stare into someone’s eyes and speak the truth is an entirely different matter.

“Huh,” Killua says at last. “I guess being here. Whale Island. Home-cooked meals. Fishing, the ocean. My little sister. _My mattress._ Chocolate. Video games. Getting stronger and training.”

“That’s all?” Gon asks.

“Honestly, what more do you want me to say? That’s all I can think of.”

Gon goes quiet. He rolls onto his back, arms forming a pillow beneath his head as he stares up at the ceiling.

“Hey, what’s wrong, Gon?” Killua asks, almost teasingly.

“Maybe it’s kinda selfish, but I was hoping I might be on your list somewhere.”

Ignoring the pang in his ribcage, Killua pretends to consider this. “Okay then. Video games, getting stronger, training, and _then_ Gon.”

“I’m really last?!” Gon squawks. Killua shoots him a smug smile.

“Looks like it.”

Gon shuts his eyes. A shaky breath rattles through his chest. “Oh. I thought I wanted to know the truth,” he whispers slowly, “but I guess I just wanted to hear you say nice stuff about me.”

“At least you admit it,” Killua comments with a laugh. But guilt settles like lead in his stomach.

“Even if I don’t make you happiest, I still make you pretty happy, right?” Gon asks. He pushes himself back up into a sitting position, eyes wide and face far too close to Killua’s for comfort.

“Y—yeah, I guess you do,” Killua mumbles.

Gon rubs the edge of his shirt between his thumb and index finger. With a jolt Killua realizes that his friend’s face is flushed, the ghost of a grin beginning to form on his lips.

“Other than Mito-san, you make me the happiest I think. I’m glad I have you, Killua.” Gon bites his lip. “I can’t stop thinking about what happened last night. I was really glad…I still am.”

Killua can hardly breathe. His head feels warm and fuzzy, kind of like he imagines a fever might feel.

“I…ah, okay,” is all Killua can manage to choke out.

Gon lifts two trembling hands to hold Killua’s face, pressing their foreheads together like the night before.

“Thanks for being my best friend in the whole world,” Gon murmurs. Killua’s entire body freezes as Gon presses a kiss to his forehead. His head spins. He wills himself to move, wills his arms to wrap around Gon and pull him in, try to give back a little of what Gon has give him. But he stays frozen, the flood of emotion rising in his lungs almost unbearable.

When Gon pulls back to look Killua in the eyes, Killua covers his burning face with a hand and looks away.

Gon lowers his hands and tilts his head to the side. “Sorry, I kind of got carried away,” he tells Killua. “I just wanted you to know. We’ll be working even harder after tomorrow, so we won’t have a lot of time like this.”

Killua swallows. “I know,” he says, trying to ease the ache in his throat. “Uh, I don’t really know what to say.”

“It’s fine, I didn’t really expect you to say anything, actually.”

“You really do make me the happiest, Gon,” Killua blurts out suddenly. He clears his throat. “I mean, that is…”

He trails off, watching Gon rock back and forth, beaming from ear to ear.

“I knew it!” Gon says under his breath.

Killua shakes his head. “You’re so weird.”

“You still love me, though.”

There’s a pause. The sun still hasn’t quite dipped below the horizon. Killua studies Gon, who sits half bathed in blood red sunlight and half shrouded in the shadows creeping into the room.

“Looks like it,” he replies.

“Then, do you think we can try it again?” Gon asks.

Killua blinks. “Try what?”

“You know… _kissing._ ”

“I guess that sounds okay,” Killua answers, a shy smile creeping up his lips.

 

They move onto Killua’s mattress for the sake of comfort. Killua finds himself more at ease with the thought of touching Gon now that he knows that Gon doesn’t mind; knows that he welcomes it, even. He sits cross-legged, a pillow wedged between his back and the wall behind him. Gon wraps his arms around Killua’s neck and they find themselves as they were the night before: close, but neither of them willing to make the final move.

“So,” Killua finally mutters. “Well.”  

“I still don’t really know what to do,” Gon informs him.

“Neither do I. I guess if you just stay still, and I’ll, uh—Gon, stop squirming!” Killua hisses, embarrassed.

Gon responds by leaning forward and rubbing his nose against Killua’s.

“I can’t help it; I’m so excited, because it’s you, Killua!” he laughs.

“That’s not really helping,” Killua says through gritted teeth. He jabs a finger into Gon’s ribcage, earning a yelp of pain in return. “Stupid. If you keep it up I’ll tickle you until you _die._ ”

Gon’s eyes widen and his eyebrows shoot up comically. “Geez, Killua, you’re scary sometimes!”

“Hey, you’re stalling again!” Killua teases. He slides a cold hand under Gon’s shirt and tickles his soft stomach.

“Don’t!” Gon yelps. Killua rolls his eyes but stops, moving his hand to grab a handful of Gon’s shirt and pull him even closer.

This time Gon moves first, his lips slightly parted as they press against Killua’s. Killua tightens his hold on Gon’s shirt. His free hand finds Gon’s neck and he strokes the stray strands of hair sprouting from the back of Gon’s head. All he can feel is Gon, and all he can smell is the familiar scent that brings back vivid memories of his first night on Whale Island. His stomach clenches, filling with warmth.

Gon pulls away to ask, “Is it okay?”

“I guess it’s nice,” Killua replies. He can’t tear his eyes away from Gon’s chapped lips.

“Can I try something, then?”

Killua frowns. “Depends on what it is…”

“Just close your eyes.”

“Fine.”

Killua’s eyes fall shut, his body on high alert. He feels Gon moving, but he can’t tell exactly what he’s doing. He breathes in and out, stamping down his growing anxiety.

A few seconds later Gon presses his lips to Killua’s again, but this time he uses his tongue to part Killua’s lips. Immediately Killua’s eyes fly open and he smacks his hand against Gon’s forehead, shoving him away.

“What was that!” he pants.

Gon sticks out his bottom lip. “That’s how they do it in the movies!” he explains.

“It’s gross! I don’t want your tongue anywhere near my tongue! Besides, you still taste like chocolate!”

“You like chocolate!” Gon protests. “You like chocolate more than you like me!”

Killua’s jaw falls open. “You’re terrible! Don’t make me choose between you and chocolate.”

Gon crosses his arms and sticks his tongue out. “I was trying to let you have both!”

“YOU are _impossible_ ,” Killua says defeatedly.

“YOU…are _mean_ , Killua!” Gon retorts. He turns around and lets his head fall back into Killua’s lap. With a sigh, he asks, “Should we go out and watch the sunset? It’s our last one here.”

Killua absentmindedly runs his fingers through Gon’s dark, wiry hair. “Mm,” he replies. “Sure.”

 

Outside, the air has begun to chill as dusk continues to settle around them. Killua casually reaches for Gon’s hand and they slowly make their way down to the beach together. The distant sound of cicadas wailing echoes from the forest. Around them, fireflies start to flicker awake, tiny yellow lights blinking in and out of existence. Gon hums as he swings their hands back and forth.

 “It looks like the sky is bleeding,” Gon comments, using his free hand to point at the massive blotch of red in the sky.

“We’ll have good sailing weather tomorrow,” Killua says, nodding.

They find a log wedged in the sand and sit. Gon rests his head on Killua’s shoulder.

“I can’t wait to tell Leorio and Kurapika all about Whale Island,” Gon says. “What do you think they’ll say? About us.”

Killua traces a circle in the sand with his bare foot. “No matter how much you want this to last, Gon, in the end it’s just a temporary thing, right? Once we leave tomorrow, we’ll have to go back to the real world. There’s no time for stuff like this.”

“Maybe. I don’t think anything will change, though. But we don’t have to talk about it anymore once we leave, if you don’t want to.”

“If you say so. We still have time till then, though.” Killua leans over to press a kiss to Gon’s forehead. Despite what he says, he knows his feelings won’t change so easily. But to save himself the heartbreak later, he decides to start bracing them both for it now.

For the past month, Killua has grown accustomed to falling in love. He has discovered joy in the way the floorboards creaked under his weight when he walked. He has watched sunset after sunset slip away, each more beautiful than the last. He has grown to love Gon’s little world, and with it, he has grown to love Gon even more deeply than before. In ways he can never hope to express, Killua is infinitely thankful for the opportunities his friend has given him.

Killua kisses Gon once more. He holds his friend’s head in place so he can’t turn away, can’t look at anything but Killua. When he leans back, taking in the way the light illuminates Gon’s face, the slight curve of his lips, the freckles dancing across his cheeks, he locks the memory away somewhere deep and precious.

They stay until the last beams of light leak back below the horizon, but neither of them bothers to watch the sun. When it’s dark enough that Killua’s world starts to blur at the edges, Gon pulls him up and they pad across the sand. As they walk, their footsteps fall into perfect sync, and they blend into the same silhouette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so sick of looking at this that I didn’t proofread it at all haha, hoho! And I didn’t have anyone else read it either so I apologize in advance if there’s anything weird. Since was supposed to end as a one-shot, I didn't really have any idea how to continue, but I was persuaded to add more by some very persistent friends, so I hope it turned out okay in the end...
> 
> Did I mention I realized I named this whole fic after misheard lyrics to a song? I named this whole fic after misheard lyrics to a song. I’m so embarrassed that I got them wrong all this time. It’s The Stable Song by Gregory Alan Isakov, if anyone’s interested! It’s so pretty and it was what I was listening to when I was inspired to write this fic. Anyway thanks for sticking with me for this long, and please look forward to my next fic at some point! Thank you lots <3

**Author's Note:**

> You can blame the perspective shift on the fact that I wrote this at 2 am by smashing my chin against the keyboard. Anyway, this is my first fic for these characters, so hopefully I did them justice! This fic was born out of a one word prompt, "happiest", which I kinda threw out the window while writing this. Tried to incorporate it a bit though! Shout out to tingodvons for REALLY bearing with me as I whined to them about formatting, other various things.


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